Disclaimer: Ka-OFW I am not a love guru nor a medical expert but if you are sensitive with this kind of topic, kindly skip this article and just read about our other infotaining articles that are your cup of tea. To our OFW readers/followers who are interested, hope you will be able to relate and help you in your married life, one way or another.
This is perhaps one of the most beautiful definition about love;
Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. Love never fails.
1 Corinthians 13:4-8a
It is every couples’ dream in love to have their relationship progressed to the next level; getting married.
Marriage is a sacred covenant. It is a union of two person, promise to love, comfort, honor, and be faithful in whatever situation either best or worst. It is truly ideal.
However, some fail and forget their vow that lead to broken marriage and family. In this time and age, it has even become something that we are accustomed to and broken families is a situation that we are now familiar with. Tell me, how many of your friends, relatives and colleagues are from a broken family? This was not the case before. What happened that now it seems to be normal?
They focus on the things that their spouse lacks
Individually we have good and bad traits or habits, we have our own weaknesses and strengths.
Once you stay in one roof, and be with your partner 24/7, you are bound to discover all of these behaviors. Earlier in your relationship you might have noticed all of these already, but you were still able to tolerate them because you are not yet living with it. But once you start sharing one roof and all the responsibilities of homemaking, plus the stress of daily life, it would become easier to find fault in one another. This might lead us to focus on our significant other’s shortcomings (and overlooking ours) that might lead to petty quarrels. There are times when you would start to even think you regret getting married or your life would have been different had you marry someone else. Don’t do that. Don’t compare and don’t envy your neighbor’s partner.
Some wives might want their husbands to send them flowers during special occasions but not all men show their affection like that. Some prefer to show their love in their own different way. I admit I am one of those wives. But my husband said he preferred to give me money and let me buy the things that I need or want rather than putting the pennies that we worked hard on flowers that will wither eventually. (may point siya, but he still gives me flowers occasionally to stop my tantrums). Some husbands want their wives to be perfectly physically fit (in short sexy), and always fresh and beautiful that they would instead pay for their retail shopping or gym membership. This does not mean they think their wives need some upkeep. This is perhaps their way also of taking care of their significant others. (Besides, no woman would not want free money for some shopping).
We must understand our husband/wife has imperfections. Yes, we are created in His image and likeness but each one of us still have flaws because we are human. Besides we should love our partner’s unconditionally. We must honor the vows we have said to love them through the good and bad. We must look at them and see them as our partner and be patient with one another as we grow in our marriage.
They forget to honor their spouse
Because we focus on the bad side of our spouse, we forget to honor their good traits.
Let us practice honoring and appreciating our husband/wife, like thanking them for being a good husband or dad. Thanking them for small or big favors like being your chauffeur or doing your errands or for a nice cooked meal.
Honor them by telling them how beautiful or handsome they are and tell this to them in person rather than posting it on social media for the sake of appearances. Let us also preserve the dignity of our significant other. Even if we are hurting try not to air your dirty laundry.
They are tempted
Temptations are everywhere, even more so for OFWs whose partners are far from them. Men are polygamous by nature, but we must not neglect that there are women who also engage in extra marital affairs.
Being attracted to the opposite sex is normal but doing something about this attraction should be avoided. Sometimes, it could even be a mental problem that needs to be addressed.
Our body changes as we age (this does not exempt your better half), and the qualities that your partner have, or lack should not allure you to go wayward.
Don’t let the bee fly in a new flower.
They are jealous
When you engage with temptations, jealousy rise.
Remember there is no secret that will not be revealed (walang sikretong hindi mabubunyag). No matter how hard you keep it in your closet, your skeletons will still haunt you. As for us OFWs, don’t do, say or post anything on Facebook that would make your partner doubt because you would soon have to deal with their paranoia.
If you have already committed this mistake, be patient as you reassure them that you would not do it again (more importantly, keep your promise!) Also be sincere when you apologize and make your partner feel that what happened is a one-time thing.
And if you are the wronged one and you have already accepted the apology, forget about it and avoid bringing this topic again the next time you had a disagreement.
They lack communication (heart to heart talk)
Communication is the key to success. This applies to marriage as well.
Some wives like guessing game which irritates their husbands. Don’t let your partner guess what is on your mind.
Don’t just get mad easily. State your reason. State what you like, and you don’t like.
Be transparent and inform your husband or wife what you feel in a genial manner (try to not talk to them in an accusatory tone).
Build a good time communicating your plans and ideas with your family.
Be a good listener too.
Don’t go looking for a “shoulder to cry on” as this will only lead to temptation and you underlining your partner’s shortcomings.
They don’t make time for love making
This is funny but it’s true. Some couples forget to make time for intimacy.
Don’t let your tiredness from your busy schedule affect this aspect of your marriage. Treat this time as sacred and you should not let the hustle and bustle of daily life affect this.
I hate to say this, but it is also our obligation to give our whole selves to our spouse (but don’t treat this as some sort of obligation). This is one way of showing our affection. As long as it does not affect our health, we have to be intimate on a regular basis. This could be difficult for OFWs whose wife or husband is back in the Philippines. But once you go back home for your holiday, make up for it. Book a hotel room or go out of town just the two of you.
They don’t date anymore
Again, a bit difficult for OFWs in a long-distance relationship. But you must be inventive. You could still have Zoom dates and don’t miss this.
As a couple, there should be a me time for husband and wife only without the kids.
This is the moment to refresh your relationship. Appreciate the beauty of marriage. Leave all the bad thoughts behind and remember all the good memories.
This is also the moment that you can plan your next goal or step to improve your family.
Marriage life is not a bed of roses. As you continue on this journey, you just have to remember your vow and why you love your significant other. Put God first and let Him bless the marriage.
P.S. For the ladies, let us take care of ourselves. Don’t let the man of the house make this a reason to check out someone else. Although taking care of ourselves is essential, don’t blame yourself if your partner use this as an excuse to justify their wrongdoings.
P.P.S. For the gentlemen, all ladies will get old and physical attributes will go south. So, better keep your promise “till death do us part” and just focus on providing a better life for the family. Also, unless you have a body that could rival that of Ryan Reynolds years into the marriage, don’t force your wives to be the same bombshell they were when you were dating. They are busy taking care of you and the kids.
Hi, I'm Cecille. I have been an OFW in KSA for 13 long years. I have been there, done that. I'd say I was lucky because for most of those years, my family was with me. I'd like to share in this blog what makes those years worthwhile, the lessons I learned and bits and pieces of info that may pique your interest as bagong bayani.